The days move on

As the days pass I realize more and more how lucky I am to have the life I have. I have a loving husband who treats me like a queen....sometimes I think I am his queen b***h lol. But he smiles and tells me he loves me. Of late I have been sick. I hate being sick... but perhaps if I take my medicine my stomach wouldn't be so grumpy. Classes are winding down, actually only 2 more days of real class time. I am so happy to see the spring classes to come to an end.



Tonight I think of my cat that has ran away. I pray for his return. If he comes home I will give him lots of love and TUNA! (just putting that out in the cosmos)



Spiritually I feel a change, and believe it is time for me to change and to reach back to my roots and ways of life that I have forgotten. Nothing extravagant but something a bit more down to my level. As for our home, it is slowly becoming ours again. I am looking forward to actually start sewing and gardening again. *grins* I am looking ot grow some homemade tomatoes so I can make homemade salsa when we want it.



I made some recently and used the peppers my dad gave me and well..lets say it was a HIT! So was my dad's peppers.



Lately I have wondered where I am religiously. Do I believe in GOD? Jesus? Virgin Mary?....these questions swirl in my mind like currents in and ocean. I believe in God....but-there is so much I have learned about religion and I have seen so much that man has changed. So where does God's word still be God's word. And then again I feel as though there can be more than God. For were we not taught we wre made in thier image. So does this lead us to believe there is more than one God?



Too much to truly think on tonight. My head hurts and it is late. I have a very long day ahead of me perhaps tomorrow sometime I can think some more on this subject. Until then adieu.

my week

Things have been crazy. Last monday I burned my hand at work. I ended up with a second degree burn that got infected. Well i tell ya it sucks when you get infected and get sick from it. Well work has gone to hell because of our "manager" who can't handle the pressure of being a manager. She makes people work freaking 10 h our days and they are part time. Its like um yeah. Well I haven't seen my schedule yet and won't until tomorrow. I sat at the freaking health center all day for them to tell me they double scheduled so i have to come back tuesday at 112o. So i am like fun fun. They couldn't get me in today so i am like yea.


But oh well ... i am gonna go for now. just wanted to just vent a second.

*rises from ashes*

Ok it has been forever since I have actually been on. Omg.. I think I need to dust off my laptop. I've posted a couple of voice post but not many actual typed ones. I have been an bad blogger...
So far the issue is one school has been so crazy plus part time work and all that took place last year. Losing my real mom to an issue that really bothers me. *idiot doctors*
Then this year I had great news I am now Sandy Weldon! I can't believe I actually took teh leap and got married.
My lap top is dying due to the mnay errors of late. I am like grrrr.... now my vid card is going out. SOOOOO....i have to call HP again and be like um yeah .... it didn't work so can we please replace my vid card? because i've had 4 people who work on laptops everyday go .. your video card is goin out. They can't touch it due to my warranty on my laptop... *tear*
so.....here i am finally a time to breathe and hopefully get myself back grounded. I don't knwo if anyone has ever lost themselves but i think i lost myself for a while. I am slowly realizing there is alot I am missing in life because i refuse to open my eyes and see it. I guess once we experience a pain that rips our insides out we want to just lie down and sleep in hopes when we wake it will be gone. I have done alot of thinking and realized I need to do serious soul searching. I've wanted my home to be just me and gary for sometime in hopes maybe i will mellow out. I have been so tightly wound i am unsure if i am coming or going. my life has been turned upside down with the death of my mother. everyone still talks about her. i want to talk about her but it is difficult for me. I guess it is because it is still so fresh in my heart.
maybe soon i will be able to be my happy go lucky self. I am unsure of it but i am hoping i can be :)

tired

Things are crazy... i have 18 days before my wedding and no location so I can't mail out invites!@ yeah i am not to happy.. i am tried and wanting something sweet and its like 1230 at nite... not good...

work has beenc razy mrs linda has been psycho lately so i've no clue what to do with her except tell mom omg what is wrong with her..

other day someone turns the timer off on the freaking oven and i get blamed for the cookies burning when i wasn't even there... hmm too easy yeah... well i didn't get in trouble so its like hmm wth? but oh well id o n't know...

maybe i will go make turn overs eat on one... clean up my room ... put away my laundry and then crash.. idk i has tow ork on my schedule for next week.. lovely!

tired

this week is full of things to do and need to do...ah work and school will be the death of my sanity. perhaps one day i will hold and memorial to that poor state of mind. yet are we truly sane? or are we all insane?

Days have been crazy

Things have been going quite strange. The days are counting down until my wedding. Tonite I should cut out my wedding dress and sometime tomorrow actually look for thread that will match the fabric for my dress. I wonder what I am going to for my honeymoon. I think maybe we will go down to Mexico beach and enjoy ourselves for a few days. Crap I have to go adn get my clothes out of the wash and throw them in the dryer. I have work at 3 and its like 218. SO I am off and can't wait until tonite when there is no one here but me and gary ...i miss having teh house to ourselves. It sucks having people around all the dang time.

Brethren

kindred spirit

one to smile

laugh and cry

like a star

so beautiful

bright and endless

my heart

fills greatly

with happiness

a cool fall

lightly brushes

my soul

when your hand

touches mine

chaotic yet orderly

does my mind

settling only

when you are near

overwhelming you are

my kindred spirit

yes you are

forever shall

the stars

peer upon you

with loving eyes

in loving memory of my mother,

Matilda Diane Bonnell

Mom How do I live without you?

Just about this week

Well its been a few days since I posted...Grr..i've had to work all week and my lap top is off to HP people to get fixed. So i am stuck with coming to the desk top for my p ost... BLASPHEMY!

Work has been good my stepmom i sback at work so all the lazy ppl are now forced to work hehe...I loves it!hmm sunday I was off me and gary went and had fun before he went to work..which the lunch we had made him sick so he was at home with me :) I loved it. So i chlled and played gears of war that me and him are playing.

I've beenon rock band 2 alot also. Hmm... so i also ended up crashing sunday also after giving gary many kisses before bed.

Monday....lets see i was hoping for a nite alone but no cigar...Al was home.. BUMMEr I miss days when i could come home and NO ONE be here. Sigh one day it will just be our place again. lol

Tuesday....went grocery shopping after work. I got liz to go with me so I wouldn't be alone. She was asleep oops i woke her up :) We had chicken brocoli alfredo and wine. Yellow Tail Merlot is a good wine. Strong but a good wine.

Wednesday...well I got paid and was froggy so I came home and got my sister to get her but dressed and off we went. To the mall...I bought these awesome boots from HOT TOPIC..omg they were cute. Soft leather with the lace up the outter side. I've been drooling for months over these boots so I finally said **** it and I got them. So after The mall and the rather serious scare I had of loosing my phone. Thank god someone at the service desk had it. I was like great now i will have to take my boots back just so I can get a new phone! CRAP>..but i lucked out it was at the service desk.

We then decided to go to Las Bandaras to eat. Well......this was Hilarious because our waiter seemed to be infatuated with me. He could not understnad I had a boyfriend and wasn't leaving him anytime soon! THen he was like you know spanish. I was like very little------>big mistake...i should have said no....god...dude was on me crazy....finally he takes our order and leaves. He comes back and continues to flirt. I am like omg go away but instead I smile and am like thank you. At the end of the nite he is like you want a to go box we are like yes please. Then he asked me do you want to take me home? I was like um no you would so get me in trouble!

After there we went home and changed our shirts (we were in our corset style shirts from HOt TOpic we decided to wear them bc we hardly wear them when we go out) off to books amillion we go. I fill in my lovely moleskin i got in the mail and we have coffee and chill.

Ah and for yesterday..me and my step mom jo went out. I took her out for her birthday. We meet at the mall. We had our nails done and she was so tickled I showed her the place. Its 10 bucks more there but the nails it self are better because of the fact the white tip isn't painted on :) she loved that. So after Our nails we were like FOOD so I showed her another new place to her....the little buffet place in the mall... *brain fart* I so can't remember the name...grr... but its a chinese place. We ate and was like omg good@ she wants to take my dad there one nite. I think he will love it ;)

Then we decide after food we need a hair cut...her a cut me a trim. They had remodeled master cuts (i get my hair cut here all the time) plus there was a new staff added...a guy named Warren cut our hair. He was very serious about our hair..he washed it and then cut it. I never get my hair washed lol... curly hair and it is picky! but he so got my hair back kinky again! Wee... he pretty much man handled my hair but omg it looked great! So here we walked in feeling bleh and walked out feeling like new women!

Ah lets see...oh yeah I got gary out of bed...after I read my mail from my friend Maiju...short letter but worth reading :) It was nice to get a letter from her. I have to finish my letter to Kristy :) then I need to send my friend Jacinta a letter :) I loves my friends who are all around ;) Getting mail is so awesome when its from someone new and from a different niche in the world !

Ah after kicking gary out of bed we got ready to go out (i is almost broke lol) Liz had some friends over so we chilled a bit before going to CJ's pub and pool and shooting a couple of games of pool...and oh Gary so lost his shirt ot me in pool...i won 4 out of 6 games :)

Hehe he is grumpy now..i took his pc to do my journal post lol hehe....oh well...oops on the 360 he goes POUTS we were suppose to go out today.... grrr... boys!Well I guess I will go I am hungry and wants food so I think i will get in my kitchen and create a new dish or somethign random!TTFN

Reflections of 2008

I know perhaps I should have done this earlier but work did not permit that. SO lets see... my year of 2008...

Hmm, we lived with Gary's dad in January which lasted until March... we had moved in prior to that in 2007. Things were good, I left my job to help his dad which I found to be a complete disaster on my part.

We moved to Valdosta at our current house....We've been here since May.

Things money wise has gone up adn down. Sometimes so badly it frightened me.

I managed to keep us a float. Which was good. Me and Gary almost split up this year...we had a very bad fight. We found out though that we are happy together and no matter what we fight over its not worth losing what we've got.

Which brings us to the happy news of my 2008, which was Gary proposed to me in February.

Unfortunately just as my year was growing better, it was darkened greatly. My Mother, Matilda, grew very ill. She had a stroke the day after my birthday in October. She soon grew worse and I had to make the most awfullest decisions a child should ever have to make. My mother died the week before her birthday/Thanksgiving Day. So now my heart is still very hurt ....tonite me and my sister were talking of my mom.... I miss her and so does my sister...what happens when you lose your best friend and mother?

My step mom and my dad they have finally came back to me..due to my divorce to my retarded ex...he turned my family against me. Now they have realized how stupid he was almost 5 years later....*grumbles*

I managed to get back in school this year and start on masters in education. so that is a positve thing... I ended this last semester with 3 B's and 1 A :) I hope to do even better next semester which starts teh 14th of this month.

My poor car is still running...which is an amazing thing... *grins* one day I will get everything fixed on it lol...it needs new headlights, speedometer, new tires, wind shield wipers.....so yeah that is just the tip of the ice burg...

Hmmm.....lets see..ah yes I have a job....Its not much but it is a job. I work at a deli in a super market here in Valdosta. My boss is my step mom which isn't a bad thing.

I've read many books....but during school its mainly text books lol...

Hmmm... i really can't think of any thing else to place...this is the abridged version lol

I am the empress of evil(december 31st post)

OMG I have been so bleh lately. My laptop went on the fritz, so I've been trying to get it up and going. I've not posted about my Holidays yet. So lets see, Christmas day was very good. I loved my gifts I got! My mum and dad got me a picture box to store my pics in and a lock box to lock up money when i need. Hmmm but isn't that what a bank account is for? And she got me some awesome stationary! it is beige and red with a red dress on the edge...i love it the dress looks like something I would wear. *squees*

I got some awesome stationary from friends and some really cool buttons! My switch gifter at work gave me a cheese cutter set and a pretty necklace set from Avon. BUt it was nice.

I have been sick this past week still don't feel so up in the weather. I am seriously not wanting to go to work tomorrow. I slept in way late today and well its seriously messed up my sleeping schedule.

Work has been ok, my step mum is on vacation so the lazy people don't really want to work. Which pisses me off because when i am there, I am the one who all the work is thrown on. *grumbles*

Things have been odd because I seem to be off railed. I make messes left and right. . . . I don't know what is wrong with me lately. I seem off I don't know.

I know I will be glad when I am back on track.

Tonight I wanted to talk to my friend Matt. But I don't knwo why? Perhaps in a sense I am missing talking to him more than I thought I would.

I have also set today on my day off and watch tv all day. Silly I know but hey....it is something to do that requires no thought.

I got into watching the Secret diary of a Call girl......8 episodes 24 mins a piece. Interesting show.....then it made me think that boy I need to work out more..... damn you Billie Piper....and you're flat tummy and nice ass *cries*

Well I need sleep and a hot shower before work at oh...lets say 10am and its like oh....3 am now...god i need sleep.....

oh the line up in the subject...hehe guess where that came from? Its a movie.... :grins: one that I love to watch adn laugh at.

Bleh day

I guess today was ok. We were extremely busy at work. We ran around like mad people.

My brother came up and saw us and it was awesomeness! He is looking more and more handsome everyday. But to find out today he is a married man! OMG my brother got married! Her name is Megan I think. I was like um...well ..

Then my step mom was like oh you both did this @8%$ to me looking at me and my older / younger brother....I was like don't make me the bad example lol...I told you about my second marriage...

Now for my rant..omg I really don't understand the point of ...never mind I won't rant about that it will get me quite upset!

Well i need to shower and get dinner cooked!@

This last Saturdayh

Ah last night it was so funny!...O.o

Ah well let me rewind for a moment... I had to go to work until 6pm. So after I get off work I grab Melba and Bill's presents before we go over. SO I decide heels, jeans and a blue shirt. So now I was all fresh and no longer smelt like the deli I decided to head on over. Grabbing Garlic bread and out the door...as we pull up to The Newmans....you hear teh radio blasting....and before we get out of the car I was like Oh gosh Bill has started early lol.

We walk into the door he goes Want a drink? The man was already lit lol.

So Gary gets a drink Melba saves me, off on an errand we go. We go up the The Warehouse to pick up some rum for Gary, Captain Morgan Private Stock is his poison. So while there we aer talking about how you drink it. Melba is like we don't have mountain dew because I told her it was good with dew. Then she is like we don't water down our boo's I am like uh uh I don't drink straight up chicka bad news. Get drunk that way and thats and uh uh here. A couple of guys over hear us and since she emabarassed me earlier i egged teh guys on a bit lol. Why not...flirt back :) Good news on that trip I found 5 bucks on the ground :).....

Back at the house the boys were well into the grilling and alcohol and us girls come in to fix ours. Low base Bloody Mary's...yummy celery, olives and onions....they were so yummy. We only put in a shot in mine and an 1/2 shot in Melba's. We had dinner and after dinner we set around and yakked about this and that. THe boys drank and me and Melba pretended to drink lol. I had straigh tomato juice after a while just spiced up with seasoning.

Around midnight Bill crashed so we came home with our to go plates and goodies we got from them as usual...some hwo I ended up with a mixer? O.o

well that is my saturday in a nut shell :)

Today December 22

Today wasn't that bad... work was busy as usual. *Ouch* sorry hit my head on the wall. I am sitting here in my bed about to crash again....took a power nap earlier....

I spent my lunch at the house and me and Nessa managed to convince Gary to open his gifts and our gifts early. We will ahve to take her back home early Christmas eve. I loved the look on their faces when they got their presents!
Nessa got a webkin pegasus, a stuff teddy bear, a make your own bracelet kit and 2 baby dolls. She loved them...her daddy got a wet/dry electric shaver, a massager and a 1 GB jump drive.

I got a terry robe that is longer than my tink one I got last year, a purple scarf that I love, Tinman series and the new LKH book Swallowing Darkness.

Hmm WORK: work was ok besides me walking around like a zombie. I was sooo tired. I didn't sleep well last nite. Maybe tonite will be better. We were busy.. "cheap chicken monday" *grumbles*
People wait until the last hour to want ot buy chicken... stupid people. But it is ok.. because I left at 7Pm lol. Oh one of the managers came to the deli adn was like who is working the back? in a grumpy mean way (don't think he likes me) I was like me and he was liek you have supplies on teh floor by the bailer..the guy who was warming his food up was like um no their stuff is on a rack in their back room. I was like there HA you shouldn't come over here and try to get on to me because of something I have no clue about. *so wanted to call him a not to nice name* but didn't....

I get home fall asleep on couch, take shower, eat, and then here I am an hour later getting ready for sleep...so heres blip for the day!

RUde...never

Hmm the point of this is to wonder why do people get jobs in customer service related jobs who truly hate waiting or serving people? I work at a deli in a supermarket part time. It gives me a bit of spending money and isn't that big of an deal...but there are people who come in that have had a crappy day and will be cranky no matter what. So what should you do?

NO...not be cranky back. Just smile and keep your inner monologue to your self. But yet there are people who do not...which therefore makes the day even worse.

Now in the back at the deli and bakery we have things that we do not cook alot of because well they do not last or do well under the heat as other prepared food..SO it only takes 4 to 5 minutes to prepare it, so when a customer ask for it, don't give them the fifth degree on it.

Now for the girls up front at the registers I think they are part robot. No word just blank stares and constantly same movement....hmm shouldn't you greet the customer and make a small talk that will make them feel a little bit at home? Talk to them not at them.

BUt ah here I am understanding this which I knwo what my job is adn what it was goin to be when I went into the job, did these girls not understand. Hence 5 years ago when I was in teh military (off subject but funny)...a girl asked the sergent, "Are we gonna have to go to war?" The sergent was like, "NO we are gonna make cake! Of course you are gonna go to war you are in the military?"

But that is my little rant lol. NOw i am looking at my other half like he is crazy lol. He doesn't understand I would like to post my blog and by him being silly lol I have forgotten my train of thought.

(thanks honey when you read this)

BUt about ppl and customer service ... if you don't like people don't get the job stay home or go work on an assembly line or something and let someone hwo wants to work with people have the job.

endless ache

when i think deeply in my room the darkness engulfs me
fallin endlessly in the abyss
whispers caress my skin as they prickle each sensor
the slumber lingering near me is the smell of lavender as the smell devours the air
warm drops touch my skin as i look down astonished at the endless ache
the ache creeps up from my bones into my soul
filling my stomach it seeps into my lungs
anchoring deep filling my lungs full with a rage filled cry
opening my mouth to scream from the burning that creeps through me
yet i sit quietly smiling, looking on with an occassional laugh

asthetics to those that look upon
unknowing of the storms that wage inside of me
anxiety leaks into me like toxic waste seeps into the earth

fear grasps me like a thief in the night when I awake again with you standing at the end of my bed..

a nightmare I thought long gone...but not forgotten.

Behind Closed Doors

Have you ever thought on sex? On what it means to have sex or the meaning of two people being together? Should sex be something just for procreation or should it be something two people do to show how they feel about one another. Ah then when you realize this-does the flame between the two people burn brilliantly or is it fast and hot only to die out quickly after the heat has left the flame? Ah sex in some relationships remain basic, then some have intriguing fullfilling sex lives where they can not find and end to their hunger for each other. But then there are the relationships where the couple loves each other greatly yet out of the time they are together their sex life went from hot embers to that of smoldering coals. Still hot for each yet it seems there is a staleness to the passion. Just as coals in a fire you must stir them up once in a while to allow air to reach them so that they may burn brighter and even ignite again. But the issues that insues in this relationship is the male is all but willing to be with teh woman yet, he is timid about showing this to his woman. The woman has told her lover many times it is not she is not attracted to him just not attracted to the way he introduces himself for a eveningof pleasure. Women usually do not do well when they become bored with a scenario in their life or behind doors. Women love to have a bit of play in the room or else where. Then there is the timing...do not wait until it is time for sleep because if one is reading theirselves for bed, this does not necessarilly mean they are game for sex because they are in bed. But alas men must view this as the only time for "making love".

Ah my rant is done for now..perhaps I will write more on this later. For now I must go to bed it is late and I have work tomorrow.

Lucky day

Today was my first nite working with my step mom at the deli today. I am so tired. I got some cleaning done today-even though now i want to go to bed. i really don't want to spend time with gary atm. I just want to sleep. I love him i just am tired and want to go to bed that is all.

Day out at Grand bay

Today was a day of fun and happiness for me. My honey took time off to make me feel better due to all
the mess that has happened with my mum and me trying to get school finished this semester. At first I will admit I was very rebellious of teh idea of him being there with me, but I have seen that it is the greatest thing he could have done.
We decided today to go out and have fun just us. I wanted to be up and about around lunch time, but the puppy we are keeping kept me awake off an on. His name is Bruiser, he is my old chiuhuahua that my roomie has now. We roommated years ago, but her and Bru were inseperable so she took Bru and I had my kitties. :) So he has two mommies one who he visits off and on and the mommie he lives with permenantly. So the sleep I got today felt good. So around 3pm we grabbed food then, Gary was like Grand Bay. We need to go to Grand Bay we've never been so lets go. So we went. It isn't something overly exciting, unless you are into Parks like we are. We both love nature-what can we say I am a Kitchen Witch at heart and he I guess You could say is Shaman like lol. He makes me think of a medicine man at times..he heals alot of my wounds emotionally where no one else could. Even though, he doesn't always get me, he can make me smile even when I don't want to.

We walked the trail and took some really great pics. But the most exciting of it was the tower. We both don't care for heights But OH MY GOD! the view was amazing. It was worth every step up to the tower. As we went up the tower I remembered the last tower that I went up I came down by rope..repelling lol. I loved it...wouldn't think someone with teh fear of heights would enjoy repelling. I would love to do it again too...but learn more about it than what I was shown in the military. Today was a good day, we ate KFC...which I was craving, and NO I am not pregnant. I just crave food lol. Part Italian, Scot, German, Irish and 2 different Indian-yes I love food. I may be a mutt- but I love the fact that my family has a broad culture :)

This is the pic I chose for my blog, my others will be up soon for viewing but I just wanted to tell of my day. We even took some great sky shots on the way home. I really didn't want to come home tonite but what choice did we have... GO TO BOOKSAMILLION...yeap that is right lol. Before coming home we went by BAM, found my truffles I have been looking for...a very yummy truffle. But we had a cup of coffee me a gingerbread latte and Gary a mocha. Then we raided the books. I resisted the temptation to buy a new journal lol. I am just a journal nut. I lvoe journals always have. But when funds run low you have to back off the addiction lol. But soon my precious you will be mine... (oh sorry that wasn't suppose to come out)

But here we sit at home, with our creative aspirations flying high and the list of new books for me to scavenger the net for :) yes... why buy them from the store when you can buy them offline cheaper....I mean sometimes you must buy from the store and not offline...offline shopping is evil....i mean the greatest thing they ever came up with :)

Well I must let this be...I have much more to do...pics to upload....things to think on...and perhaps another blog entry on this weekend with posted pic of my step daughter Anneiyssa and her daddy :)

Craziness pursues

I haven't blogged in a bit because well life happened. As i've said before my mother became ill-well a week before her birthday which was Thanksgiving my mother passed away. Which then ensued many troubles after this-buring a family memeber is the roughest thing you can do. But it doesn't help when you start having issues within yourself which brings on much much more drama in your heart and life that is not needed. So I have been trying to endure much issues from myself and those around me.

My friend who is in florida sometimes i wonder- it is almost as thou I am his girlfriend or that he is overly friendly i don't know. Anyways it is a pain when youw ant to talk to someone but can't. I haven't spoke to him on the phone in a week now and well its kinda hard because i have my other half home with me-they do not get along. So its keep the one you live with happy and try to understand why the one who should be your friend should understand when youare in a commitment you can't just forget who they are or take them for granted. I learn this everyday because i screw up alot lol.

Its hard to be me sometimes...but oh well...

classes are at an end, i have an exam downloading now and one on monday i have yet to study for and now have a house full so its gonna be very difficult to study especially with little ones running around. And now i know why I am so tired and bleh...

on a good note i do have a part time job now. Its working in a deli but it is a job that will give me a little money in my pocket that is mine :) i am happy for that. So well i guess i better get on my exam and to bed soon because i am very tired.

Chilley day

Today things have been well besides me being overly chilley. Gary was ill today. Which now he seems to be better which is good. Perhaps he had a small case of food poisoning. Oh well-he is good now. Found out his little one will be over this coming weekend. I am excited an not. I am because I love to see her, not because I fear I will not be able to spend as much time with her and her daddy due to school work. But perhaps I can manage to fannangle time in there.

Me and my sister seem to be doing better. I don't know what has happened but we seem to be better. I hope it is not short lived.

My mothers pictures were salvaged thank goodness. I placed the more important ones on the walls tonite so they will not be in a box. Ah well it is late and I have been up beyond my bed time. *bad me* I didn't realize the time until it was awfully late.