It is strange when you find a friend who people find to be a friend you do not need. This friend is bad news they make you think wrong things? Is it wrong to question your life? Is it wrong to question if you are happy? I think not.
I have many friends who care for me. It is ok if these friends are girls. But once a guy friend says he cares he is bad news. Hogwash! Is what I say. Ah if I was to be wrong then fine, let me be wrong. But let me be right when I can be.
Is it wrong to want to have someone to talk to that does not care how you are or what you say? That they let you cry or scream or yell or even think thoughts that aren't ladylike and not question you. Someone who doesn't want doesn't want you for sex-but for a friend because just as you they are lonely.
But since I have someone I am not suppose to be lonely. But how can I not be lonely? how can teh one I love not be lonely? We are not in each others life each day. We have very few days we can be together adn then sometimes we are not together.
This last Thursday, my love made me blissfully happy. He cuddled me and stayed by my side no matter what only to leave briefly. I felt like a princess-I do not knwo what made him change but he did. He was there doing the things I want him to do the most. Be by my side. Making the pain go away. To help chase the demons back into the darkness, helping keep my head above the river of pain inside. Yet that happiness was short lived-Friday the pain and evilness came back. Again I became the person I hate. Someone who pushes everyone that I love away in anger-I can't do anything about it but watch helplessly as I hurt their feelings without thought until the words are stated.
Now I sit wondering now-what do I do? My friend called tonight. His voice was nice to hear. Yet it brought some pain with it. I have hurt him also and claim it doesn't matter that I hurt him, when it truly does. he has beared many nites of my crying and relenting on the pain inside. Without question or fault he listened-until my heart was cleared and nomore tears could flow. He listened.
Ah-things are so crazy. I have no one that understands-yet do I really understand?
I have many friends who care for me. It is ok if these friends are girls. But once a guy friend says he cares he is bad news. Hogwash! Is what I say. Ah if I was to be wrong then fine, let me be wrong. But let me be right when I can be.
Is it wrong to want to have someone to talk to that does not care how you are or what you say? That they let you cry or scream or yell or even think thoughts that aren't ladylike and not question you. Someone who doesn't want doesn't want you for sex-but for a friend because just as you they are lonely.
But since I have someone I am not suppose to be lonely. But how can I not be lonely? how can teh one I love not be lonely? We are not in each others life each day. We have very few days we can be together adn then sometimes we are not together.
This last Thursday, my love made me blissfully happy. He cuddled me and stayed by my side no matter what only to leave briefly. I felt like a princess-I do not knwo what made him change but he did. He was there doing the things I want him to do the most. Be by my side. Making the pain go away. To help chase the demons back into the darkness, helping keep my head above the river of pain inside. Yet that happiness was short lived-Friday the pain and evilness came back. Again I became the person I hate. Someone who pushes everyone that I love away in anger-I can't do anything about it but watch helplessly as I hurt their feelings without thought until the words are stated.
Now I sit wondering now-what do I do? My friend called tonight. His voice was nice to hear. Yet it brought some pain with it. I have hurt him also and claim it doesn't matter that I hurt him, when it truly does. he has beared many nites of my crying and relenting on the pain inside. Without question or fault he listened-until my heart was cleared and nomore tears could flow. He listened.
Ah-things are so crazy. I have no one that understands-yet do I really understand?
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